ᴏᴏ1 ( ᴠɪᴅᴇᴏ/ᴛᴇxᴛ ) | ʙᴇʜᴏʟᴅ ᴍʏ ɢᴇɴɪᴜs.

[privatizes]

[ good morning, asgard. you are greeted to a singular video, which shows a rather chaotic room in the odin housing unit. it has a desk shoved in the corner, covered in a bunch of spare parts of some cannibalized technology strewn all over the place. but in another corner of the room appears to be something that looks a bit like cooler with a solar panel on it.

tethered to it is a little roomba that has a blinking light, and seems to be attempting to vacuum the place, but is continually yanked backwards by the confines of its charge cord.

and then, once the video shows what it seems to show, a text is also sent out to the entire network, simply stating: ]

READ THIS BEFORE YOU ASK ME SOMETHING INCREDIBLY STUPID:

(1) It's a solar powered generator. It generates something called electricity, which can power things we call machines. It can hold a pretty hefty charge, but it isn't very powerful. I can maybe reboot a battery, and that's about it, until I expand my operation.

(2) No, you cannot have one.

(3) No, I am not building you one.

(4) I'll let you charge your cell phones if, and only if, you bring me any useful garbage you collected when it fell from the sky a few weeks ago.

(5) I don't do delivery.

(6) Don't show up at my door asking to use it. There's a sign-up sheet in the front hall of the library. Go put your name on it and sign up for a time slot.

(7) Seriously, if you show up at my door without an invite, I am revoking your cell phone privileges, and I will use your outdated trash heap you call a smart phone for parts.

(8) You're welcome.

[ what a charmer. ]

Comments

Never sorry

[momsboy]

Yes, thank you.

You should listen to your elders, Tony.

[ He's smirking at Steve after that. Peter means no offense to any of the two men but he can't help the teasing. ]

oh my god.

[privatizes]

Have you seen the YouTube videos of Captain America singing for the U.S.O. shows in the 1940s?

[ matter of factly.

two can play this game, you piece of shit. ]

Re: oh my god.

[momsboy]

What is Youtube? Nevermind..no I did not but it sounds like I'm missing something incredible.

[ Please go on you two, Peter is just enjoying the show. ]

This is the kind of quality content I live for.

[privatizes]

Once I get my suit up and running, I can show you one of the greatest pieces of American history to ever exist.

[ because tony absolutely has it saved to his hard drive, and he absolutely will never fuckin delete it. ]

Until then, I leave it to your imagination.

[momsboy]

I wouldn't have to use my imagination if we could convince him to reprise it for us.

[ Do you see his grin, Tony? ]

[captain_america]

No.

[ He doesn’t have his suit. It would never work. ]

[momsboy]

If it's because you don't want to do it alone maybe we can find you some majorettes.

[ But Steveeee :C The world needs to see America's ass. ]

[captain_america]

....

[ He just stares at Peter for a minute. ]

You volunteering?

[momsboy]

I'd let you know that my dancing skills are spectacular.

[ Steve, no. You don't know what you are suggesting.]

Alas, I don't know the choreography.

[captain_america]

I think Tony might be able to teach you.

[ Since apparently he stores the videos in his suit- he probably watches them all the time. ]

[momsboy]

Oh but who better than the star of the show to teach me?

The star being you.

[captain_america]

[ wow Peter. He was on your side with the whole roomba thing. This is betrayal. ]

I didn’t actually dance I just punched Hitler in the face a lot.

[ Over 200 times. He’s good at it. ]

[captain_america]

It’s a shame we don’t have YouTube here.

[ Really Tony? The PSAs are way worse. ]

[privatizes]

Challenge accepted.

[ YOU THREW DOWN THE GAUNTLET FIRST ]

[captain_america]

[ Steve should know better by now. And yet...]

Why do you have videos of me stored in your suit?

[privatizes]

Why wouldn't I download prime blackmail material, is the better and less creepy question.

[ honestly, tony had done his due diligence in tracking down members of the potential avengers, and finding that had just been the icing on the cake. ]

It's not my fault your backstory is somehow more embarrassing than mine.

[captain_america]

[ Tony you are getting The Look. You know the one.

Then a smirk. ]

Who said I was embarrassed? Bond sales took a ten percent bump in every state I visited.

[privatizes]

Are you bragging?

[ tony almost sounds impressed. mostly incredulous, but a distinct note of impressed in there. somewhere. ]

Is that a distinct tone of arrogance, from our devout and pious leader?

[captain_america]

[ Look, as much as he felt like a dancing monkey he also knew he was doing something for the war effort, and well, he looked good doing it. As modest as he tries to be, it was nice to see people looking at him as a hero and not with disdain. ]

Maaaybe?

Pious? I'm pious now?

[privatizes]

I see you as a 'go to church every Sunday to make my mom happy' type of person.

[ change his mind. ]

And I guarantee people put your face on posters and handed out flyers at Bible study to raise money for the war effort, so do the facts really matter? It's the impact, Cap, not the intent.

[momsboy]

Is that like a tv channel or...?

[captain_america]

It’s an internet site where people can upload videos for everyone to watch.

[ So me might be excited that he can explain technology to someone. ]

[momsboy]

Ah, so, like this network?

[ Good job man, be proud. ]

[captain_america]

Yes. Very similar.

[momsboy]

I see. Then no need for Tony to create anything, we can just record each other doing stupid things.