Video; Where's The Laughter in Slaughter?

[ragnarsson]

[When the camera gets turned on, the first thing to note is that Ivar's face is streaked in blood that has only just started to dry in places. Someone's been out worshiping with the natives in a fashion very familiar to a Viking. If y'all hadn't gotten the impression Ivar was a bloodthirsty barbarian from a bygone era, the imagery is definitely reinforced with the dripping red streaks on his face. Also is that some around his lips as well? Has he been drinking the stuff too? Honestly, though, he seems quite pleased by what's been going on even if everyone else might be disturbed by the casual slaughter of the cows. His tone starts off very serious, since worship is important where he's from.]

About time this place started getting some proper worship going. I know most of you all are from soft places-- [The scorn in his tone is obvious.] --but blood sacrifices are always the best when giving due diligence to these gods where I am from. Blood demands blood, especially if you want them to be on your side in battle, or to favor you at all. It's really not all that different then slaughtering animals for food, just with more rituals and rites to it.

[Then he switches back to his usual tone that ranges somewhere between insanity and half-truths end tends to indulge in.]

It's a good thing we finally got the right sort of animals around here. Otherwise, I might have had to resort to sacrificing one of you. [He muses for a moment before laughing.] I'm joking of course! [Beat.] Human sacrifices only work if they're willing participants.

[OOC: This post is for a general discussion, so feel free to have threads amongst all the characters and thread-jacking rather then just talking with Ivar. Do let me know if you do want a specific thread with him! He has rather...strong opinions about this.]

Comments

[enflame]

Right! If we're sneaky, it won't matter anyway !

If all we have to do is take the feathers off and boil it, that can't be too hard. Or do you boil them with the feathers on and they fall off in the water?

I'll figure it out somehow

[machinamentum]

Iunno man. Usually, nothing I eat has feathers when I have to do it the old fashioned way.

I think you're meant to skin it first? Can help with that, if you need it. Done it for a skag or two before.

[enflame]

I have no idea what a skag is

Don't the chickens keep the skin on? You can pull it off (I'm not a big fan). Cooking can't be so difficult.

I don't have a working kitchen at the moment so no time to practice but I'm sure someone can figure it out.

[machinamentum]

Really nasty animal. Prone to eating anything and everything, highly aggressive. Tastes like vomit and sadness. Has a thick skin, so you want to take it off if you're eating it, have to do it with a saw. Or I'd be in charge of it back when my arm worked properly!!!

Kitchens are optional to this stuff. We usually just hung it up over a fire and went about it that way.

[enflame]

Oh, alright. I think I can think of something similar. God knows I'd never eat one, though. Can't fathom why anyone would eat somet hing that tastes like vomit either

And yeah, it's optional. Would be nice to use something not so antiquated if there's some sort of facility available to do it properly somewhere.

[machinamentum]

Yeahhhh, it's that or eating people because there's nothing else to eat. So you know. Vomit or slow descent into madness.

You tried asking one of the Gods yet? Honir's pretty helpful, think the others wouldn't be that annoyed either as long as it was practical.

[enflame]

Uh in that case I can see why you'd take the alternative. Were there no other animals ?

I could use a kitchen in a Godhaus Im sure but that's such a trip. Maybe he'd just cook them all for me if I asked. He gave me meat before anyway

[machinamentum]

Uh... fish, I guess? But the planets half desert, so not really an option half the time.

Yeah, that'll work, I am pretty sure I could ask Honir for just about anything. I mean, as long as he understood what it was, ya know. I am part of his house as is.

[enflame]

As much as I don't like the whole God worshipping situation, Honir isn't bad at all. Should have chosen his house instead of mine.

At least being here, you won't have to worry about eating anymore vomit meat.

[machinamentum]

Honir's pretty good as far as having a boss goes, gotta say. I'll kill anyone that fucks with him, let me put that way.

That's the dream, honestly. That is shit I don't miss.

[enflame]

Is that something you mean literally, or more in the metaphorical sense ? Don't even know how you could put a God in danger, honestly.

( Not that he has plans to do Honir dirty or anything, but it is nice to know if anyone might have a literal murderous intent. It's still not something he's used to actual living, cognisant people possessing. )

[machinamentum]

Literal. I haven't been talking in metaphore once, dude.

Doesn't matter how powerful you are, you never know what's around the corner, and there's always, always a bigger fish.

[ Pandora had taught her that. Both in killing people who thought they were Gods, and seeing people who never should have been hurt suffer the most. ]

[enflame]

Good to know ?

It's hard to say what's more powerful than a God, though. Isn't the point of them being the biggest and best?

( His thoughts on the subject don't lead him anywhere actually logical...more like "animal vs. animal YouTube video" territory. )

What do you think would happen if one of the Gods here fought another one?

[machinamentum]

Yeah, last guy who thought that - I put a bullet through his head. No one is always the best.

Think we'd be fucked, though, lot of people here are upset about some blood. Beings that powerful...? Yeah. It'd be slaughter.

[enflame]

( Oh. What lovely information to learn...?? )

What did that guy do to deserve that, exactly ?

[machinamentum]

What didn't he freaking do? His name was Handsome Jack. He ran a corporation that wanted to secure the resource of the planet I live on.

By killing the entire population of people and animals that already live there. If he didn't kill them straight away, he ran experiments that mutated them past sanity on them to find new information. He tortured one of my friends simply because she had something he wanted so badly, she throws up and bleeds from her nose when people approach her.

Worst day of my freaking life was when we met his daughter, who he used to befriend us and care for us, precisely so he could see the looks on our faces when she betrayed us. Not that she had a choice, he drugged her and used as a battery due to some weird magic bullshit until she begged us to kill her because she couldn't even kill herself because of what he did to her.

His freaking girlfriend murdered my friend's puppy in front of him because she thinks the noise puppies make when they cry is funny, almost as funny as the noise he makes when he cried for his pet.

He killed the best man I ever met. Just to get back at us for Angel, his daughter that I mentioned. Roland was the kind of person you hear other people describe in stories about what a good person is. Roland protected the people that mattered to him until the last second. He took me and the other vault hunters in when Jack had tried to kill us hundreds of time. So Jack shot him, straight through the chest, then used to call us from his communicator just to make us hopeful and then mock us by pretending to be him on the phone.

Oh, and he used to call us all the freaking time. I mean all the time. Just to ask us if we weren't freaking dead yet and complain about his goddamn pretzels.

That's what Handsome Jack did.

[enflame]

( At first his eyes glaze over at the novel he's been given at such a simple question -- well, simple to ask, but obviously open for ranting and raving as an answer. Emil was fully prepared to find Gaige absolutely insane and deplorable (and let it be said, the idea of shooting a person is still unfathomable to him), but as he actually does go down this list, if anyone deserves it...this guy sounds like he fits the bill.

Like seriously, fuck this guy.

It's also a list of heavy, serious events, which he usually has no idea how to react to initially, so his quickly typed response without a lot of thought is, )

I refuse to believe that's his real name.

[machinamentum]

It wasn't. It used to be - get this: John.

1/2

[enflame]

( In spite of himself, that makes him laugh. Something about that is so very...of course. )

Why not Handsome John then ?

Well, why Handsome to begi nwith? Who actually puts a Handsome in their name and how can someone take that seriously? That's the worst part of all that.

[enflame]

( ...Oh, actually that sounds. Really awful. Let him try and reword that. Why does he still suck at this so much? )

I mean the worst part of his naming nonsense.

The rest of what he's done is really horrible, sorry.

( It took a lot out of him to kill one undead dog that might kill him, and the idea of being so insane that they could kill and experiment on humand and animals for fun is just...so utterly beyond him. )

[machinamentum]

Uh, I think genocidal maniacs get to name themselves whatever they want.

You know, by killing everyone that won't call them that? Taking them seriously doesn't really matter when everyone you love is dead.

People tend to fall in line preeeeetty soon after that.

[enflame]

That makes sense.

It's really hard to imagine someone can be that despicable a person. His girlfriend too.

I'm glad you got away from all of that here.

( Honestly, the more it settles -- and he's scrolled back up to read what was written a couple of times in case he missed a punchline somewhere -- the more sick he feels to his stomach about it all, especially his stupid flippant reaction at first. )

[machinamentum]

He was one of the worst, and buddy, I've killed a lot of people that deserve it. If it didn't happen to me I never would have believed how low he could sink.

[ Doesn't answer that - glad she's here. She still isn't sure it's for the best. Try as she has to try and curb everything she is for everyone's sake. There's been too much blood for that. ]

[enflame]

( It will probably never comfortably settle into Emil's psyche that people are out there that have killed people. Even people who supposedly deserve it, or who perhaps obviously deserved it, like this Handsome Jack guy. )

How many people have you killed ? If you want to say. Or even know.

[machinamentum]

IDK man, as many has have tried to kill me? Jeez.

Think I got rated like top fifteen in the cutest mass murderers of the year tho.