ᴏᴏ1 ( ᴠɪᴅᴇᴏ/ᴛᴇxᴛ ) | ʙᴇʜᴏʟᴅ ᴍʏ ɢᴇɴɪᴜs.

[privatizes]

[ good morning, asgard. you are greeted to a singular video, which shows a rather chaotic room in the odin housing unit. it has a desk shoved in the corner, covered in a bunch of spare parts of some cannibalized technology strewn all over the place. but in another corner of the room appears to be something that looks a bit like cooler with a solar panel on it.

tethered to it is a little roomba that has a blinking light, and seems to be attempting to vacuum the place, but is continually yanked backwards by the confines of its charge cord.

and then, once the video shows what it seems to show, a text is also sent out to the entire network, simply stating: ]

READ THIS BEFORE YOU ASK ME SOMETHING INCREDIBLY STUPID:

(1) It's a solar powered generator. It generates something called electricity, which can power things we call machines. It can hold a pretty hefty charge, but it isn't very powerful. I can maybe reboot a battery, and that's about it, until I expand my operation.

(2) No, you cannot have one.

(3) No, I am not building you one.

(4) I'll let you charge your cell phones if, and only if, you bring me any useful garbage you collected when it fell from the sky a few weeks ago.

(5) I don't do delivery.

(6) Don't show up at my door asking to use it. There's a sign-up sheet in the front hall of the library. Go put your name on it and sign up for a time slot.

(7) Seriously, if you show up at my door without an invite, I am revoking your cell phone privileges, and I will use your outdated trash heap you call a smart phone for parts.

(8) You're welcome.

[ what a charmer. ]

Comments

[privatizes]

Captain America doesn't know what a meme is, and therefore doesn't know how annoying you are.

Is the phone the only thing you've got to charge or do you have a Nintendo DS somewhere in there, too?

[ikols]

maybe i'm not annoying and you're just weak :)

only my phone
i propose a trade, charging any time i want for information stashed on it
deets from the Earth-616 superhero wiki

[privatizes]

[ . .. fascinating proposal. but: ]

All information stashed on it?

[ikols]

[ A bartering it is. ]

do u know how much info is on even ONE of those pages?? the entire history of YOURSELF on earth-616?
you can choose three people to get the deets on and i'll transfer the info once my phone is charged
if you make me my own charger, i'll give you the entire wiki :)

[ Minus his and the other Asgardians' pages, that is. ]

( locked )

[privatizes]

[ there's a lengthy silence. ten minutes. twenty. thirty.

until, finally: ]

- You.
- Me.
- Thanos.

And I'll build you a charger for the entire thing, if I'm satisfied with what I've got.

( locked )

[ikols]

[ Ooo, fancy and locked. ]

- not my page :/ you wanna know about me, you have to ASK to my FACE
- if you/he comes here you gotta defend me if he's pissed, i bear no responsibility
- sure you don't want someone worse like idk galactus or doctor doom??? magneto??

( locked )

[privatizes]

Why can't I have access to your page?
You have access to mine.

There is no one worse.

[ not to tony, anyway. ]

Those are my terms. Otherwise, you get on the sign-up sheet.

( locked )

[ikols]

because you'll read all the dumb shit my past life did and it's not relevant
i'm not risking getting into a fight with my ver of iron man thx if i don't have another to hold him off

[ His Stark is ... well, Loki seeks no quarrel there, suffice to say. ]

thanos got knocked out cold by cap marvel last i heard of him
no one's ever punched victor von doom and lived to tell about it, just sayin :/
maybe stock up on info that will be useful in ur future if vic or any other supervillain comes callin, it's the smart thing to do
i mean ... like, whatever yeah have the thanos file but i'm being extremely helpful here
enough to not have to sign any lists

( locked )

[privatizes]

[ so captain marvel had thwarted thanos, in that world... and, to be fair, she had done the same in his. they would have lost, no questions asked, without her on their side. still... ]

I want the Thanos file for me.
It's personal.

We can discuss the other details later.
You're offering enough to at least charge your phone, once, without appointment.
I'll see about the rest.

( locked )

[ikols]

deal
fair warning the page is long af

( locked )

[privatizes]

As long as it's not self-authored, I could care less how long it is.
It's not like we have anything to do here other than hang out and wait for the inevitable, whatever that may be.

Anyway.

I can charge your phone.
Thanks for the info.

( locked )

[ikols]

asgard's young, anything could happen :)
invasions, more attacks ...

thx

( locked )

[privatizes]

Let's not count our chickens before they hatch, alright.
We've had enough collective excitement to last fifteen lifetimes.
Minimum.

( locked )

[ikols]

oh boy, you've never lived in asgard before. i knew it, but now i really know it.