asgardgenesis | video; did you miss her?

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video; did you miss her?

[ They say with age, comes wisdom.

This is like that - but with age, came a solid addiction to Margaritas. Wisdom, it can be agreed, is second to this.

But does that give any kind of chill? Wrong. But she is definitely older, even if the details are still the same: flaming red hair, big green eyes, a robotic arm, and a voice horrendously loud as she booms down the connection. Eighteen has become twenty-five has become a bitter, lonely, running hard and fast and mean.

That jittery exuberance is the same though. For anyone who might have noticed her going missing for a couple of weeks (read: anyone who had to listen to her talk all the time at the top of her lungs), she's back.

And she appears to be, solidly, happily, drunk, waving an arm around, that is holding a champagne glass and a gun in the other. ]

'Sup, Asgard! You know how you all said I should get a hobby?

[ That shit-eating grin just gets bigger. ]

Well, guess what, I did -

[ wait for it. She sculls the champagne and throws the glass on the ground. ]

Now I'm a wedding planner! [ She bursts out laughing so hard she snorts before she clears her throat. There is a heavy swing of what appears to be a truly ridiculously sized gun in her teeny-tiny hands that she wields comfortably. ] Well this thing is freaking useless again, I can't believe I leave for like a decade and you guys can't invent guns yet.

Someone get me a margarita, stat. Mama's got a thirst that needs quenching after those freaking weird tentacle... cult.... guys... the creepy beating heart of a vault monster, whatever! I am wasted and I want to stay that way, so point me in the direction of the booze!

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Now there's a voice I'd thought was a little silent. A pity your guns haven't been made, but we are currently fighting off rather annoying vegetation and a bit of drama that comes with being sealed away in a cave to die.

I don't have margaritas but I still make rice wine - if you want some, that is.

A wedding planner? Holy shit, who gave you that job? [he's laughing, too. mostly with the idea that someone would want gaige as a wedding planner but also because it's weirdly fitting with her enthusiasm.]

Was it really that long? [she does look quite a bit older, which is both great and unfortunate. the latter because now klaus'll feel less weird making comments like,] Either way, looking good there, girl. [coupled with a tongue click and a fingergun; he's shameless as per usual. did she miss him, however? because he's definitely glad to see her still around.]

I could find a way to whip you up a margarita lickety-split. Hope you like 'em strong, though. [a beat then,] I beg your goddamn pardon, did you say “tentacle cult guys” and “heart of a vault monster?”

Jesus, no wonder you're looking to stay drunk! What the hell have you been doing?

[ He'd noticed her absence very quickly, but not because Asgard had gotten quiet. They are essentially coworkers by now, after all. After a few days, though, he did notice that Asgard got a little bit quieter.

He's also oddly happy to have her back. Did he even care for her that much? Apparently. ]

A decade?

[ Holy shit. ]

It's not been that long here, Gaige.

Oh! I didn't know anyone needed a wedding planner! Or that weddings even had them! [Sorry Gaige, Alice is still learning sarcasm.] Why does being a wedding planner require a um... weapon?

[ It's really weird to see someone suddenly look older like that. It's not like Chizuru hasn't seen others grow old back home, but it's so much more a gradual process when you see them every day. Not seeing Gaige for a while and then suddenly seeing her like this.. well, it makes Chizuru stare for a moment before she replies.

And even when she still looks kind of baffled as she speaks. ]

This might sound like a silly question, but was the wedding planner part a joke or not? [ She genuinely can't tell when it was followed up by that laugh! ]

Hey kiddo, you're back.

[ Oh, how he has missed this firecracker of a girl. Though she isn't much a kid anymore, is she? No, not anymore. She's definitely older, and not just because she mentioned having been gone for a decade, she looks it. It takes Dante a moment to wrestle with the previous image he had of Gaige ─ young, angry, a kid bearing way to many wounds for her age ─ with this new one...

Damn, she looks good. ]

Sounds like you've got a few stories to tell, huh? You should tell me all about it over some booze.

Oh fuck yeah, I ain't picky.

And vegetation? Jeez, I leave and you all forget how to make Molotovs?

What I just said, wedding planning!

Eh, give or take a couple of years. Maybe six years?

I don't know, a long fucking time.

Eh, because sometimes the wedding venue is overrun with horrible tentacle creatures. It happens.

Absolutely not a joke. I just pulled off the wedding of the decade!

[ One thing is the same, Gaige beams a wide smile, a little hazy for being solidly drunk. Tipping her head with it as she sways a little with her steps. ]

It's been a few years of learning the most important lesson: don't travel around the borderlands.

[an extraordinarily long pause then,] I gotta admit, this sounds like some kinky wedding planning.

Really? That's amazing..!

[ At least she instantly believes it when Gaige confirms it. Gaige wouldn't lie to her! ]

What was the wedding like? I'm so curious now!

[Yeesh, a lot's changed for you, bud. That much is apparent. Still, Jet's more than capable of acknowledging and then moving past this, since asking questions about the obvious isn't necessarily his style.]

long time to be gone.
no guns yet.

:(

Hehehe, I was wondering what was going on with you.

Someone fast-forwarded didn't they? Promise not to do that again, would ya? I'm not sure we could take grandma exploding things all over the place blitzed drunk.

[Pause. Wait.]

Whattaya mean wedding planner?

You know where I have it stashed then. Just do not touch the ones marked with an X for drinking.

I saw no reason to start a fire in my living room.

Then... why have your wedding there? Who did you marry, Miss- oh ah, Mrs. Gaige?

Still the latter half of a decade, so I guess I'll accept that.

[ Man. Six years, though. Does make him wonder. ]

So ... What's happened over there then in the past almost decade?

I don't know if you've been talking to Rhys too much or too little, cause yeah, it's probably someone's kink.

Wellllll, it was going pretty great if I do say so myself. Found a nice little frozen wasteland of a planet, that suited both the grooms down to a Tee, and believe me, that isn't easy with those two. Different as could be.

Then one of the grooms got possessed by a ring containing the heart of a intergalactic monster than was still beating and could extend the life of people who like, grafted it to them, that this suuuuper intense undead husband and wife had found, and the husbands original host died so he took over my buddy Wainwright before the big day!

Weddings, amirite?

[ RECORD SCRATCH. ]

Ohhhhh, no no no, I was not getting married.

Help me out, bud, it's been like six years, and I am tanked, which way from here?

ERG. Whatever, I'll figure it out when I'm sober. Ya coming for a drink for old time sake or what?

Oh buddy, you ain't even met Grandma Torgue.

And I meannnn, I plan weddings. Got the license of the echonet and everything.

[ There's a nervous little laugh that she means to sound breezy. But it doesn't. ]

Oh you know, on the run non-stop with no one left I know on my side of the galaxy and a crazy cult tried to kill everyone by unleashing a vault monster, two people I care about were horribly murdered by them and I didn't know about it until way too late because I've been too busy hiding and running from my teenage mistakes. But the day got saved by some new vault hunters.

I also took up interpretive dance! Just to round out that whole, disappointment to my parents shtick.

But, hey, here's looking at you, big new CEO of Atlas. Heard you survived your first real corporate war.

[That'd be mildly worrying, except that this is far from the unhealthiest coping mechanism Jet's ever witnessed. Besides, she's already older than most people in the Zones get to be. No big, right?]

sure.
where are you.

[ Chizuru is quiet for a good half minute or so as she's trying to wrap her head around that. And.. failing. Really badly. She may not have been to a wedding before ever, let alone having had her own wedding, but she's pretty sure that's not how it usually goes! ]

Is that normal for weddings where you're from? [ Or is this just A Gaige Thing. She really can't tell. ]

He'd likely tell you too much! I know it's someone's, I just didn't know people planned weddings around them. Or, to be more specific, that you would.

[Alice seems to be good at that with Gaige.]

Oh, was a friend of yours getting married?

[ Definitely solidly drunk. He has to wonder how long she has been hitting the booze with how deep she seems. Probably for the better, right? Considering how pissed she had been before her little trip back home he can't help worry for Rhys' well being. ]

Yeah but where is the fun in that? Can't have crazy adventures without a little danger.

It's simple enough - head right of the doors until you see a weird glowing tower next to a building. That's Odinhaus.

[ It would be disappointing to hear that even with Jack gone from the universe, there are still people who insist on trying to kill everything, if only it was even a little bit surprising. Which it's not. All of this sounds perfectly Borderlands-like.

At least the final bit is ... slightly more cheerful? He's happy to hear that he can be described as a 'big new CEO', anyway. Excuse him while he preens a little. Smoothing out his hair with a hand and everything. ]

Well, that's to be expected.

I mean, what's it actually take to plan a wedding? You get one dumb slob, and you get another dumb slob. They both say I do to some dumb slob vows, and then they have sloppy makeouts in front of everyone and make a mess out of a cake?

Does that take lots of planning or something?

[...she hasn't actually matured thaaaat much Gaige, fair warning.]

Who's this Grandma Torque? Properly destructive I hope?

Got it! I'm on my way to drink you out of house and home! Did ya miss me?

I mean sure.

Not this one. The tentacles were more like... An uninvited guest that totally ruined the whole vibe I had been trying to set up! They did NOT match the floral arrangements!

Apparently. Not that I know any details, sorry bud. I was busy with my Interpretive Dance degree.

[It's an under appreciated skill, really. ]

Yeah! My buddy Hammerlock and his man, Wainwright. Those cute love birds.

[ Gaige honestly has to pause and think about it for a minute. Her head tilting back with a hum and thought. ]

Undead eternal couple ruining the venue was new. Usually I just have to kill half the wedding guests when they go the full Bandit and try to eat each other.

It's not the crazy adventures, man!

But a girl gets sick of having to pick spinal goo out of her hair, ya know? Like I was trying out a new style and now there's vertebrae stuck in it. Gross. And so inconsiderate.

No fuckin clue, just tell me if I'm getting warmer if I get closer.

Oh jeez, what are you, twelve?

You have to brutally kill the owners of the venue because they were in a super creepy undead cult first!

which district.
in heimdall's currently.

Weddings.. really are something else where you come from.

[ That's the most polite way she can put it. And she's really trying. ]

I've actually dreamed of having a nice wedding for a long time now, but it involved a lot less.. um, well, death..

What curious names! Do they mean anything?

Uhhhh. Why?

[ Interpretive Dance, of all things? Did that just kind of happen? ]

Hahaha. Nah. Closer to seventeen, but I like to keep my youthful sense of humor about me. It makes dumb things like mawwiage easier to laugh at.

And beating up an undead cult sounds right up my alley at least.

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