audio;

[sassery]

It’s called a Qliphoth.

[A beat, and that’s a familiar sound of Nero gritting his teeth in annoyance.] The tree that Odin mentioned? Yeah, it’s a Qliphoth, and it’s bad news.

That… is an understatement. [ In contrast, V sounds somewhat bored, as if this is just very old news to him. ] The Qliphoth is a tree that grows in the Underworld. It thrives on human blood, and those within its path become no more than dust once it’s done with them.

[Nero sighs.] Back home, it basically destroyed an entire city in about a month- and demons were running all over when we came back to finish the job. So we can’t let it sit here, otherwise we’re gonna have even more problems than what we’ve had in the past. [Is that the sound of him grabbing a blade? Or setting the chamber of a gun? Porque no los dos! He’s getting ready, obviously. There’s humor in his tone though.]

And besides, Hell’s not that great a look for Asgard anyway.

Yet another understatement. You're remarkably reserved, Nero. All things considered. [ This may not be a voice very many recognize. Vergil doesn't care for humans and their nonsense — and that mostly includes the nonsense here. But, well. He lives here, so he has to care.

Unfortunate. ] The Qliphoth is a tree that grows in the Underworld, and as such will be infested with demons and their ilk. It must be destroyed. Allowing it to grow will result in an even greater infestation of creatures that want nothing more than wanton destruction and see humans as little more than food. I doubt this is something the rest of you will want.

While they are not a particularly bright species, some demons can be cunning. There may be.. challenges, in destroying the tree. [ There's a sigh from him. He's made this mistake once before. Surely this one isn't his fault, right? ] It should go without saying, but do not let them, or the tree roots, touch you. Human blood strengthens demons and will make them difficult to kill. You should kill them without remorse, since they will show you none.

There will be traps designed to harass and confuse the unwary. Demons that are more at home in the filth inside the Qliphoth will use this to their advantage as well. [ There’s a sound of a book flipping open and pages being turned. ] To get rid of the Qliphoth, there are nine seals that need to be found and removed. It’s… easy enough to take care of the seals themselves; it is the guardians of the seals that you may need to be wary of. Fortunately, demons may be deadly, but they are not invulnerable to normal steel. Otherwise demon hunting would not be as lucrative as it is… to some people. [ Is that a jab at Dante? Well, V would know just how much it cost to hire the demon hunter as well as how much of a mess his place looked during his brief time there. ]

Yeah, yeah. No time for details, the sooner we get out there to kick this thing’s ass, the sooner we’ll be out of trouble. [A beat as Nero quips back.] Besides, I don’t think anyone wants to hear the gruesome details of how gross this thing can be. [Because it is gross, there’s no denying that.]

Hey, Dante, you got any words of wisdom? [It’s a joke, and you can hear Dante speak up, though he sounds a bit further away from everyone else.]

Yeah, easiest advice is don’t get yourself killed! [This is followed by the slamming of a door, and one doesn’t have to see anything to know Nero’s balking at the fact that Dante’s just up and left already.]

Wh- hey! Where the hell are you- [SIGHS LOUDLY, THIS FUCKING FAMILY.] Jackass.

[ A slight snort of amusement at that. He agrees, just don't expect him to say it out loud. ] And there you have it. Words of wisdom from the legendary demon hunter himself. So. Stay on your toes, hit them hard and don't get killed. If need be we will attempt to assist you if we can, but otherwise don't get in our way. [ Is that steel in his voice? Well yes, it's personal after all. ]

[And sauntering past, hips a-swaying and with a toss of her hair, goes Trish, already armed and ready and in hot pursuit.]

And don’t forget to watch out for tentacles… they can be kind of handsy. Right, Vergil?

[ There's no response there, just a sigh, more footsteps, and the door closing again, though not as violently. Nero's family sucks. ]

[[Blue = Nero, green = V, light blue = Vergil, red = Dante, pink = Trish ;)]]

Comments

audio;

[channellings]

Jesus Christ, what kinda fever dream is this? Trees that need human blood, demons, seals, and tentacles? [yeah, he's laughing, though it sounds anything but relaxed.]

“Don't get yourselves killed,” is good advice. I'd say always avoid the tentacles, but let's be honest, exceptions can be made for some people. [people who are no longer here, except that's not the point—] At least we won't need magical weapons to kill these things.

If that were the case, I think half of us would be fucked before we could even consider helping out.

[a moment's hesitation then,] Do we have any other plans or is this literally just a ‘dive in headfirst’ thing?

audio;

[sassery]

Honestly, this is pretty much a day that ends in "y" for us. Hell's got a lot of gross and weird shit. [Hi Klaus, the world of DMC is super fucked up.]

For real, they'll fall easier to blades than guns, but whatever you've got, hit them with it.

[A sigh.] We're gonna have to go at this in different parties, though- definitely not a good idea to go as a large group or alone. Demons like to pick off loners and will slaughter huge masses without a second thought.

audio;

[channellings]

Somehow, I'm honestly not that surprised? Just glad you all know what you're doing. [for the most part??? also: hi, nero, let's not do anything too stupid here like dante.]

Blades... okay, I've got a couple daggers and some throwing knives. Those work alright?

And if we split into like groups of three or four, would that be too many people together or what? [he's trying to be calm, cool and collected about all this but what the fuck, you guys?] These demons don't sound like any hellspawn I've ever heard of.

audio;

[splitinvain]

If we wait too long any plan we can come up with would be doomed to fail. [ And there's the sound of a pages being turned. ] What we haven't said is the purpose of this tree. All the blood and suffering would be for nought if we leave it for too long. Once it has enough blood, the Qliphoth produces a Fruit that will bring forth a demon king... and that will seal Asgard's fate.

audio;

[channellings]

[you know, v, even with your sexy-sounding voice, this situation is far too dire for klaus to make anything inappropriate.] So, we have to make sure this tree doesn't make any weird, demon king spawning shit? How the hell do we kill it, then?

audio;

[darksoulwithlight]

Hey, you're welcome to come on down and join the party. You just might wanna stand back before they start throwing the party favours out for the guests. Especially the tentacles.

[The tone's as playful and flippant as ever.]

But y'know, you do you. Sadly, no-one's getting paid to clean up this mess this time round so if you don't wanna throw your neck on the line it's up to you.

audio;

[channellings]

Thanks, I think that's what I'm gonna do. Are the other party favors better than the tentacles? Not to be picky or anything, but I think of tree tentacles and, uh... [klaus's getting some hella evil dead flashbacks, which will be a big ol' nope from him, thanks.] Nevermind.

[he does appreciate that trish is herself, at least. makes the situation somewhat less worrisome.]

Been here long enough, fought whatever came our way and haven't gotten paid for it yet. They supply us with plenty, I don't think money is necessary at this point.

audio;

[advivo]

It's a dive in headfirst thing.

[ At least that is Dante's plan. ]

audio;

[channellings]

For you, it would seem. [a long, suffering sigh, but the smile can be heard in his voice.]

Come on, man, don't go getting yourself killed right after we've discovered this beautiful friendship.

Text - UN: GallowsCallibrator

[mindseer]

Y4 KN0W 1 K1ND4 M1SS WH3N Y0U W3R3 JUST P0ST1NG STUP1D B4RK B34ST CR4P 0N TH3 N3TW0RK B1G GUY

[She sighed and rubbed at the back of her head while typing this one out. She'd been chatting with some of the others about possible threats. This one might be above her paygrade.]

1M 1N
BUT 1 M1GHT B3 D01NG 4 SUPP0RT R0L3 F0R TH1S R0UND
S0UNDS L1K3 TH1S M1GHT B3 4 B1T 0UTT4 MY SK1LL S3T
M0R3 0F 4 TR4CK3R 4CTU4LLY

(OOC: So, if any of the others want to reply to Terezi, that's fine. But if you prefer to avoid her insane text style, let me know in your post and I'll switch it up. Nero's player already gave me the go ahead for the awful text a while back.)

text;

[splitinvain]

Unfortunately, we can't always be posting stupid matters, although I do have reason to assume that some of us are stuck in the mindset of a ten year old boy.

[mindseer]

Hey, stupidity has its place!
But yeah, definitely not now, so if we can get this done safely and go back to the kittens and stupidity that'd be great wouldn't it?
First we deal with this Qlippoth thing right?

[sassery]

trust me at this point anything will help
better for you guys to be safe than dead
if we had our normal powers here this wouldnt be such a big threat

audio;

[sparkofgoodness]

[ This... is... a lot of people talking demons, being demon hunters, and demonic trees? Some of them voices he recognises, too.

Nnngh. That's bad. Doesn't generally feel good to know you're around people with that sort of potential anti-demon vibe.

It's way too many words and they all sort of read as nonsense to Crowley. He sort of... gets the vibe that they're... not all from the same reality, but still. Weird to hear, and he's never heard of this demonic tree thing. ]

Do you know, the saddest thing about all this is none of you went for the 'demons don't grow on trees' joke. I'm very disappointed, it was right there the whole time.

audio;

[splitinvain]

I do beg your pardon... should I attempt a joke?

[ Oh hello there roomy. ]

audio;

[sassery]

Damn, we're really falling down on our jokes today, huh?

[There's actually a chuckle at that, Nero trying to remember to breathe and not be worried about this whole thing.]

Can't disagree with you there, though I'm sure half the demons in the Qliphoth would be pissed you even joked around them. They've got no sense of humor.

audio;

[darksoulwithlight]

Oh I'm sure there's other jokes we can crack out for you're in the mood for a demonstration.

[Voice]

[theprezident]

How big was the city it destroyed in a month?

[ AKA how long does Asgard have. ]

[Voice]

[sassery]

Big enough. Not anything like a major capital city, but it was decently sized.

[Which means that it's a ticking time bomb till they get rid of it.]

Long as we all work together, we should get rid of the seals quickly enough. The roots will die and the tree'll wither away, since it has nothing to keep it here anymore.

voice;

[cecidit]

[ Well isn't that a tricky question for him. ]

I suppose I would put the number somewhere around 300,000 — though admittedly, it has been a while since I was last there. I believe Asgard numbers around 500 now, does it not?

[momsboy]

[ Peter pinches the bridge of his nose after staring at the video and gives a heartfelt; ]

Jesus-fucking-christ.

[ That pretty much sums up Peter's feelings about the whole thing. he's been stressed enough those last weeks because of what's happening to Alice, and now this mess. ]

[splitinvain]

If only it was that simple.

[ Isn't there a thing where names held power? Unfortunately, none of those work on the demons where he is from.

Also here's the big cat's owner, who looks about as upset as a man who forgot the whipped topping for his coffee. ]

Strangely enough this isn't the worse of the dangers we've faced in our world. Only the more... persistent variety.

[vagabone]

...What?

[He sounds sort of. Breathless and small. Por dios, he wishes he knew how to shut off these bracelets. Turn the horrible broadcast off so he didn't have to listen to all... that. It's one thing to know he's doomed, that's nothing new, but the whole city? All the natives and travelers he's made friends with?]

This really happening?

[sassery]

Yeah, sure is.

[Don't give up hope yet, Héctor, there's still time.]

We've gotta work together, but we should be able to get rid of it once the seals start coming undone.

[splitinvain]

It could always be worse...[ Dry humor? V? Surely not. ] At least we know what to expect and how to fight it.

And there is no king sitting at the heart of the tree.